2 a.m

It's almost two in the morning and I have yet to fall asleep. I have to be up really early, so the choice to remain awake at this time is probably not the wisest choice that I have made. When you look at all of my past choices you may deduce that many of them weren't wise. I suppose that if I am to be truly honest I would change them if I could. The most beautiful thing about being human is that we are full of flaws. And somehow, those very flaws we destest on many levels are what make us individuals. Being an individual is one of the most beautiful things I can think of.

Some times it is hard to be an individual when you are a member of a world wide 12 step group. Everyone is supposed to have similar charectar traits as well as charectar defects. Everyone is supposed to do the same thing in order to get it, to stay clean to stay sober. So, sometimes we end up associating as a group instead of the individuals we truly are. We are all supposed to get sponsors, take commitments, work the twelve steps, and so on.

I am guilty of so often losing sight of being an individual. Sometimes I even compare my recovery to other people's. How can I though? It is what it is. I am who I am. As long as I don't pick up, as long as I continue to move forward, work a program how can anyone really be in a place to judge me or my actions? No one can. I am going to go to bed now. I will right more on this later. Hell, perhaps I will even be in a greatful mood. God does create miracles...