Sometimes it’s hard to move on because a lot of the time moving on means letting go of people that you don’t want to. At least that is the negative side. The positive side is realizing that you’ve grown up and apart for them, and leaving them behind is the best thing that you can do for them and yourself. I think it can also mean allowing you to change. There are certain people in all of our lives who help us change and go through it with us. At the same time there are the individuals in all of our lives that we learned what we could from, and now, the two of us are at different places. If we keep them in our lives it could stop of from growing. That’s the last thing I want in my life. Right now my life has so much promise, possibility, love, happiness, and hope.
I have to accept that he’s with someone else. He meant something to me in the moment, but that moment is like any other in life. It doesn’t last forever. It’s gone. I haven’t seen him in two weeks. And I realize the longer I’m away from him, the more I realized how attached to him I was. I’d be lying if I said there aren’t moments that I miss him and in those moments that I’d give anything to go back to April. This is the part where acceptance comes in. He chose to be with her. Not me. It’s over. It’s time to let go of the place in time where I had a deeper meaning in his life. That doesn’t mean that I don’t still feel the hurt he instilled inside of me, because I still do on some level. He believed in me, still does, and he helped me. But, I don’t need him anymore…
I spoke on another panel Saturday night. The first panel before I went on my trip was like eight women. This time it was about forty women. I was so nervous. But, it was so worth it. I got just as much out of the panel as any of those women could have. It made me feel so grateful and blessed to be clean. I realized what I have and how I will fight tooth and nail before letting it go. I want to live and I never wanted that before. Hell, I want things for myself I never dared to want. Life has been so amazing lately… I get to be a clean and sober woman who lives with a sense of dignity as well as pride. I won’t let that go without a fight.
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12 comments:
Thank you for sharing, I love your acceptence, embracing of change and your gratitude for being able to speak on the panel and other stuff. Lovely post for me at the moment. Good to have you back :)
Just found your blog and identify with loads of what you say; particularly your frustrations and your feelings of loss after that guy chose the other girl. It sucks doesn't it!
Hi hows your last few weeks been ?
I like a fighter. Keep coming back!
helloooo! hows things ?
12 STEP BRAINWASHING
Mr. Bill Wilson, founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) and creator of the twelve step program. Mr. Wilson was heavily influenced by demons. Chapter sixteen (p. 275f) of 'Pass It On' The Story of Bill Wilson and how the A.A. message reached the world records Mr. Wilson's use of the ouija board, participation in seances, psychic events, "spook sessions", table levitation, and how he would receive "messages" from "discarnate" spirits. Bill Wilson was clearly in contact with demons, and this is the man who created the deceptive twelve step program. Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. (step #11. Emphasis added.) The last part of this statement ("as we understood Him") is enough to damn your soul! God says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5). This is the exact opposite of "God as we understood Him." All men, according to Romans 1:18-32, are condemned before God, because they rely upon their own understanding (Romans 1:21; Ephesians 4:18, "having their understanding darkened"), and they create (in their own darkened minds) a god of their own making (Romans 1:23). To encourage people to turn their "lives over to the care of God as we understood Him", is to encourage people to "turn their lives over to a god of their own making" (i.e. according to their own understanding). This promotes nothing more than spiritual death (Revelation 22:15). In addition, these twelve steps are a deceitful attack against the saving work of the Lord Jesus Christ (i.e. they are against Christ, antichrist, 2 John 7; Colossians 2:8-10).
PEACE BE WITH YOU
MICKY
Fireman John said...
micky; hope you read my response to your long winded bullshit comments.
Until YOU, I had no reason to moderate comments; thanks for fucking up the process!
I didn't even mind the anti-AA crap but the personal attacks were unwarranted.
Micky Said:
Dear John
I felt some pain when I read your comments. Your process is not about me, Johnny, but unprocessed "stuff" from your childhood. You are not an alcoholic, but a sinner, like me. What I would like you to do is to get down on your knees and ask Jesus Christ to forgive you for the above DIATRIBE (sin) and ask Him to have mercy on your soul. After you have done that, John The Fireman, I suggest you see a therapist (inner child), who can help you process your TERROR. You are a frightened "Little Boy", who has a conscious fear of intimacy and an unconscious fear of abandonment. You RAGE over your fear, pain, shame and grief. Most STEPPERS are RAGEAHOLICS, Jack, and you are a CLASSIC. I wondered if an anger workshop might help you dispel some of your RAGE, John? I attended an anger workshop for 4 years, Johnny, and my process was greatly improved. Were you abused as a child, Johnny? You can say what you like, when you respond to my comments, unlike you, who felt he had to moderate his (comments). You don't like to be challenged, do you, John? I will help you to become the person you were meant to be - a child of God. The choice is yours, John? You can stay in your "psychological prison", or you can join the land of the living. Don't abandon yourself to Satan (AA) or you will end up a creeping, listless, depressed, emotionally shutdown, cowardly, shape - shifting, Bill Wilson zombie. I love you, Johnny, and you will be in my prayers. Do you love me, Jack? How do you FEEL, Johnny? Have you be putting out any fires, lately, John? Are you a RAGING FIRE, Jack?
PEACE BE WITH YOU
MICKY
nmatez Wife Said:
I THINK YOU ARE POSSESED BY THE DEVIL
YOU ARE EVIL
STOP HATING THOSE OF US WHO ARE CLEAN AND SOBER
GO TAKE ANOTHER DRINK YOU SICK FUCK
Micky Said:
Dear Inmatez Wife
I felt some pain when I read your comments. I imagine you were RAGING over your fear, pain and shame.You have a conscious fear of intimacy and an unconscious fear of abandonment. The only way you will be SAVED is for you to go back to the CHAMBER OF HORRORS (your childhood) and recover your INNER CHILD, who you abandoned quite a while ago. You are a TERRIFIED "Little Child", who wants her MOMMY (AA). I suggest you get down on your knees and ask Jesus Christ to forgive you for the above DIATRIBE (sin). I love you! Do you love me? Are you a PSYCHOPATH? Are you in HELL?
PEACE BE WITH YOU
MICKY
Sugah Said:
I, too, will pray for you, that you may be relieved of your compulsion to impose your will on other people. I believe you are the one in need of peace, my friend.
Micky Said:
Dear Sugah
I felt some pain reading your comments. I imagine you were RAGING over your fear, pain and shame. I imagine you are a RAGEAHOLIC, CONTROL FREAK and AVOIDER. You have a conscious fear of intimacy and an unconscious fear of abandonment. Were you ABUSED as a child, Jody? I suggest you get down on your knees and ask Jesus Christ to forgive you for the above DIATRIBE (sin). And ask Him (Jesus) to have mercy on your soul. Do you believe that Jesus Christ died on a cross for your sins, Sugah? The only way to SALVATION is through the saving Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ [John 3: 16]. I love you, Sugah! Do you love me? I hope you haven't handed your will over to Satan (AA), Sugah? Because if you have, you will end up as just another emotionally shutdown, cowardly, raging, shape - shifting, BILL WILSON ZOMBIE? I suggest you see a therapist who can help you process your TERROR? You are a frightened "Little Girl", who wants her DADDY (AA). The next time I attend ROSARY, I will pray for your soul. How do you FEEL, “Young Lady”?
PEACE BE WITH YOU
MICKY
THE 12 STEPS DOWN TO HELL:
I imagine 12 Step recovery programs are a slow slide into the jaws of Satan. I was involved with this evil “satanic cult” [AA] for over 30 years but was saved through the power of Jesus Christ. He directed me to a therapist who was into “real” recovery, not the mind destroying, soul destroying, cult, which is AA. I have met two Steppers recently & I imagine they are completely devoid of any emotion or insight. I feel pain because both these men are decent human beings but AA has destroyed their individuality & they have no idea how to relate apart from expounding AA propaganda. I imagine Hell to be a continuous flow of AA meetings without any light at the end of the tunnel because one never recovers'. I beg you people who are in 12 Step programs, to get out before it is too late.
How does one recover when one is handing one’s power over to AA. The 12 Steps were written out of Wilson’s head, he certainly didn’t get his guidance from the Bible. I imagine he was an agent of Satan & he & Smith’s “cult religion” has filled millions of Steppers with their anti - Christ propaganda.
Step Three of AA is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." While many in the Oxford Group placed their faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, there was much leeway given. Shoemaker, a leader of the Oxford Group, says, "The true meaning of faith is self-surrender to God." He further explains:
Surrender to whatever you know about Him, or believe must be the truth about Him. Surrender to Him, if necessary, in total ignorance of Him. Far more important that you touch Him than that you understand Him at first. Put yourself in His hands. Whatever He is, as William James said, He is more ideal than we are. Make the leap. Give yourself to Him. Aside from capitalizing the "H," which Christians do to refer to the God of the Bible, "Him" could refer to any god of one’s own making [bedpan]. Can you see what is happening to you? Ask Jesus to take control of your lives, read the Bible & instead of 12 Step groups, go to Church. Burn your Big Book or use it as toilet paper. Can you see the difference: With The 12 Steps, you never recover but with John 3:16 you are guaranteed Eternal Salvation. The “ball is in your court"?
Peace Be With You
Micky
Greetings Designer Girl
Are you a PHARISEE? Is the BIG BOOK the word of God? Of course not!! You are not an alcoholic, but a sinner - just like me. Jesus Christ died on a cross for your sins - not Bill Wilson. AA is the work of Satan - you have been deluded, like millions of other STEPPERS. The only way to SALVATION is through Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I, Micky, am a gift to all people!!
GOSPEL:
Lk 12:1-7
At that time:
So many people were crowding together
that they were trampling one another underfoot.
Jesus began to speak, first to his disciples,
“Beware of the leaven–that is, the hypocrisy–of the Pharisees.
“There is nothing concealed that will not be revealed,
nor secret that will not be known.
Therefore whatever you have said in the darkness
will be heard in the light,
and what you have whispered behind closed doors
will be proclaimed on the housetops.
I tell you, my friends,
do not be afraid of those who kill the body
but after that can do no more.
I shall show you whom to fear.
Be afraid of the one who after killing
has the power to cast into Gehenna;
yes, I tell you, be afraid of that one.
Are not five sparrows sold for two small coins?
Yet not one of them has escaped the notice of God.
Even the hairs of your head have all been counted.
Do not be afraid.
You are worth more than many sparrows.”
TWELVE STEPS AWAY FROM CHRIST
18 Jul 2007 by MICKY
275f) of 'Pass It On' The Story of Bill Wilson and how the AA message reached the world records Mr. Wilson's use of the ouija board, participation in seances, psychic events, "spook sessions", table levitation, and how he would receive ...
http://michael-micky.blogspot.com/
PEACE BE WITH YOU
MICKY
how are you doing?
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